Ok, Lord... that's enough, lay off, will ya?

We all probably have said to ourselves at times "Lord, I've got enough on my plate. Can't you lay off the temperature a bit?".  It's like saying we are carrying too heavy of a cross. The simple fact is that no cross is as big as the one Jesus carried.

Lent calls us to the desert, if we truly let the Lord to lead us where he wants us to go. I've been struggling with this a lot lately. In my journey over the past several years, God keeps calling me to a higher level and with each step of this spiritual ladder, life certainly is not easy. I've seemingly found myself waking up to realize how involved I have become in various ministries, events, and catechism classes at our local parish. While I appreciate it, I catch myself complaining about it at the same time.  The catechism students were brutal today, I don't have enough time for me, what good am I doing?, etc... What I do find is that God has a meaning for this and teaches profound lessons that we may not understand at that moment. Sometimes we realize it quickly, other times it takes awhile.

However, as God reveals truth to us, we are called to share that with others. Today's Mass readings for the 4th Sunday of Lent lay out truth with no apology. I found the second reading (Eph 5:8-14) the most powerful. I actually found it affecting me as I read it aloud into the microphone while lectoring today. After Mass, a good friend said I looked a bit "stiff" while reading today. Undoubtedly so.

"Brothers and sisters:
You were once darkness,
but now you are light in the Lord.
Live as children of light,
for light produces every kind of goodness
and righteousness and truth.
Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness;
rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention
the things done by them in secret;
but everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
for everything that becomes visible is light.
Therefore, it says:
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will give you light."

This reading shows that the Lord will lead us from darkness and awaken ourselves. But, this process is not easy, nor does it happen overnight. We have to always be reminded to live as Christ wills us to.

Tonight, a friend randomly texted me the following, which really struck me. In fact, I needed that message at the exact moment in time. God uses others to deliver messages in many respects. Tonight's was delivered by a simple buzz from my phone. 

"we are pressed on every side, yet not straitened; perplexed, yet not unto despair; pursued, yet not forsaken; smitten down, yet not destroyed;" 1 Cor 4:8-9

So, Instead of finding myself complaining about troubles in life, I find that I need to turn it to thanks; Yes, thanks to the Lord for all that he has given me, and in his infinite wisdom he knows why we need to undergo trials and suffering to reveal his message.

Deo Gratias!

Taking out the trash

 
While I certainly take out the physical trash at home each week, my goal is to take out the spiritual trash at least once a week (or as often as necessary) through the sacrament of confession. I feel so blessed to have a local parish that offers confession daily before each Mass (there are 27+ Masses a week!). Thus, there is never an excuse not to take advantage of the sacrament.

Since my return to the church in 2007, I find myself reflecting where I  am currently in my spiritual life as compared to the previous year. With this, I have also gained a deeper appreciation for Lent. As we are called to repent in this time period, I continue to look at areas that I need to work on. This means frequenting the confessional with a deeper sense of renewal in my life.  Each rung of the spiritual ladder that I climb works away at those vices and sins. As I continue on my path of sanctification, God seemingly calls me to a higher standard in so many respects. This means understanding sin better and making more sincere and well thought out confessions.

I often find myself scribbling notes for confession on a piece of paper before going into the confessional, or I tend to forget things. Today, I used a bookmark (a receipt) in a Lenten book that I am reading for those notes. When I got back to my vehicle after confession, I tore up the receipt. The sound of tearing paper seemed to resonate loudly. With the pieces then set on top of the book, the imagery of what I just did struck me in a powerful way that I didn't expect. At that moment, I realized how my sins were forgiven in God's eyes. Just like the destroying of the receipt, God forgot my sins at the instant of confession, cleansing my soul. Often times, I tend dwell on the past and the sins that I have committed, feeling like they drag me down. In the tearing of the paper, today was a great reminder that those sins are forgiven and forgotten in God's eyes. Deo Gratias!

Isn't this the unfortunate truth?

The Mass readings this past week have been powerful in many respects, but they all come down to trusting the Lord, which can be difficult at times in this world. I came across the following button at another parish I was visiting for a meeting. One doesn't have to look further than the cycle of sin in the Old Testament that even continues in a rampant fashion today. God kept saying to trust him and his commandments, but it people chose their own paths of destruction. We just don't seem to trust God and choose our desires even when it comes to the Ten Commandments. Society just wants to pick and choose like a cafeteria...

Deo Gratias!

Thanks be to God! Lots of great stuff going on in my spiritual life lately. I can only be thankful for all the graces that I continue to receive. Here are a couple of them.

Last weekend myself, and all the other Lectors in the Parish, were formally installed into the Lector ministry at our Parish during a Saturday Mass. What an honor! We each had a Benedictine cross that was blessed during the installation and then placed around our neck by the Pastor. We'll wear it every time we proclaim the readings at Mass.  This particular cross was chosen by the Pastor, given the fact that our current Pope is Benedict.

"O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."

In other news, my reversion story appeared on "Why I'm Catholic" this past week.  I have had a profound reversion back to practicing my Catholic faith, when I returned to the church in 2007. My first blog post (Three Year Anniversary of Coming Home) is what the story on Why I'm Catholic was based on. Have a visit to their website, as this Lay Apostolate is doing great work to share people's conversions to the faith.

The Lord continues to surprise and bless me in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, some of these blessings come as storms, but when one sees the message and meaning, it is powerful.

Tantum Ergo... Benediction... Adoration... huh?

I'll never forget the first time that I came to Mass one weekday during benediction and exposition. I had no clue what the parishioners and priest were doing, nor what they were saying. I also had no clue how lucky I was. The parish I attend offers perpetual (24/7) adoration of the blessed sacrament and this blessing is one I came to truly appreciate as time went on.

One of the examples that relates to this was given by Jeff Cavins. He mentioned that when he was a protestant, he mentioned something to the effect that if they announced they were having a 24 hour prayer session and said Jesus would be present,  the whole world would come. Many churches advertise the heck out of it, make a big deal of it,etc . I've even seen an advertisement for "Burn 24-7" where Christians do 24 hours of constant praising of the Lord in music,etc. That's great! Amen to praising the Lord and giving thanks.

Yet, adoration and prayer happen around the world 24-7 in the Catholic faith and it goes unnoticed by many, including Catholics themselves. It is essentially unadvertised, and not boasted. It just happens. Faithful spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, praying for the world and those in need, some who don't even know that they are being prayed for! I am so fortunate to have a local parish with 24-7 adoration. What a blessing!

Lest we also forget that somewhere in the world, there is a Catholic Mass being held this very instant! 

Some good commentary: http://blog.adw.org/tag/tantum-ergo/

  

Tantum ergo Sacramentum
Veneremur cernui:
Et antiquum documentum
Novo cedat ritui:
Praestet fides supplementum
Sensuum defectui.

Genitori, Genitoque
Laus et jubilatio,
Salus, honor, virtus quoque
Sit et benedictio:
Procedenti ab utroque
Compar sit laudatio.
Amen.

"Come, come. Can you lector?"

"Come, come. Can you Lector?". These were the words coming from one of the religious sisters, as she motioned me her way. What could I do? God had called, even if I didn't think I was ready...

That's how the 5:00 Mass began for me that day. Except the Mass had not started and it was 5:02pm. The next thing I know, I was genuflecting as I exited the church and on my way into the sacristy.

It was an interesting day as I ended up lectoring twice this day, having never lectored before in my life. The first time was in the morning for about 60 young boys at a retreat. The second was later that evening at the Pentecost vigil in 2010. Talk about baptism by fire!

I had always wanted to lector at some point in my journey of faith. I have had significant experience talking in front of crowds, from small groups of 50-100 at local club/organization meetings to an outdoor event with 1000+ people. Sitting in the pews, I had thought that there would be a time where I could lector as God calls us to use our talents to serve his Kingdom. I prayed about it, and when I wasn't expecting it (like many other occurrences), the Lord called.
 
Indeed, the Lord prepares us and calls us for his will. He prepared me for this in the morning, when I was asked to do the readings for confirmation students at a morning retreat. In fact, I had a distinct feeling that I would lector again that evening. This feeling is one that I've had several times since my return to the faith. While a private revelation, I firmly believe these events have done nothing but strengthen my faith.

On Saturday mornings, I would normally be at another parish teaching catechism, but since the parishes are run by the same religious order, I was asked to help at the retreat. This day, back at the other parish, our students were taking their midterm, and the retreat needed assistance.  After the retreat ended, I called my friend who I teach with, asking how the students did on the midterm. During the discussion I mentioned that I had lectored and then said to him, "Brian, I have a feeling that I will be lectoring again really soon.  I don't know what it is, but it is that same feeling that I've had before with other things in the faith".

That same Saturday evening, something prompted me to go back to the 5:00 vigil Mass. I sat in the pews, praying in front of the blessed sacrament. Something just felt odd. At that point, I decided to look over the readings, realizing that the Vigil ones were different than the Sunday readings for Pentecost. I also noticed that it was quiet at the Ambo, as no lector had come to prepare the readings. Instead, I noticed one of the sisters who sets up the sacristy running around, seemingly looking for someone. As the time ticked off, I essentially heard a thought to myself "Michael, you will lector tonight". Shrugging it off, I told myself "Nah, not possible". I turned my head and glanced around the church, looking toward the entrance. Something definitely felt weird. I noticed a few of the religious sisters sitting in their typical position, a few pews behind me.

I kept kneeling and praying.

It was now 5:00 and something was amiss. No lector to introduce the procession. 5:02 rolls around and one of the sisters comes running up the isle, looks at me, looks back to the other sisters, goes back to them, comes back up to me, turns and says "Come, come. Can you Lector?"

Wow.

What could I say? I knew God had called and he had prepared me that morning to lector. I was whisked back into the Sacristy (I had never been there before), when the sister realized the procession had already gone to the entrance of the church. No training or instructions for me tonight from the priest! Luckily, the cantor introduced the first song, and asked everyone to rise. I felt like I was on stage at a major event, but hadn't had proper time to read the script.

It then came time to do the readings. I of course, was literally shaking the entire time and felt like 1000 people's eyes were on me. As I got up to do the first reading, all I could hear were pages turning in the Missalettes in the pews. One feels like all eyes are on them, and since you are elevated compared to the congregation, you can hear all the noise, even a pin drop.

Luckily, I survived the evening and life has continued on... It was just another page in my personal faith journey.

The Lord does answer our prayers. I prayed about lectoring, as I saw my talents able to help in this ministry. I soon inquired about becoming a lector at this parish (which is quite large, and has seven Masses on Sundays!). A few months later,  when I was not expecting it, the head lector contacted me and the next thing I knew, I was officially being trained to be a lector.  In fact, the greatest honor thus far in lectoring is being asked to lector the Midnight Mass at this church on Dec 24, 2010. This date was very special to me. It was the three year anniversary of my coming home to the Catholic Church. What an honor! Thanks be to God for all he has done in my life!

If you feel that you have a talent that can be used at your church, do not be afraid.  Offer to help. God uses all of us in different ways to build up his Kingdom.

Walk for Life West Coast 2011

Last weekend (January 22nd), I attended the West Coast Walk for Life in San Francisco. This is the second year in a row that I've gone and boy, is it empowering to be with some estimated 50,000 like minded people!

A panoramic view of the plaza for the kick off rally

(click for larger view)

While the event itself is amazing, the most profound moment of the day didn't come while I was at the walk in San Francisco. It came after the walk at an event that night.  I was at a function that evening when a friend there asked what I did that day. At first, I hesitated to say explicitly what I was doing, commenting just that I was in San Francisco. Of course, he asked what I was doing in San Francisco.  So, I then commented that I was at the Walk for Life, and was there sanding up for the dignity of life in all forms. His face said it all when we began to talk. He admitted of a girlfriend once having an abortion when he was young and how he went with her for the abortion procedure. That event changed his his mind about abortion. Today, when he sees any documentation of a date near the timeframe of this abortion, or meets someone around that age, he says "that could be my child".  

Powerful.

Let us all pray for an end to abortion and a common understanding about the dignity of human life at all stages.
 
Further information: http://www.walkforlifewc.com

More photos... (click to enlarge)

It took us three hours to walk the entire route! It was packed with people the whole way and stretched for miles.