Reflection, Personal Discernment & the Rosary

I've spent the past few months reflecting on my spiritual life, beginning in Lent. As I mentioned before, this year's Lenten season drove me deeper than ever before in many respects.  One of the major issues that I have been dealing with is related to discernment of certain experiences that I've had in life.  Ignatius's Discernment of Spirits is the go-to book in many respects when one starts to look at how spiritual events affect your life and it requires a thorough understanding of the rules of discernment and a good spiritual director. My return to the faith is driven by numerous notable events that I cannot explain with anything other than faith in God. The issue is that I don't quite understand the meaning of all of them. Thoughts range from the enemy (Devil) being involved to them being straight from God. What I do know is two things:

1. I would not be back on fire practicing the faith if it was not through the Grace of God.
2. Practicing and keeping the faith is NOT EASY. It takes a humble and contrite spirit along with a daily picking up of one's cross.

What I have been fighting internally is not having peace on issues and actions that I have happened in my life. I tend to alternate between frustration, desolation and consolation. Part of the problem is that we tend to want answers "NOW", when we don't realize that they are on God's timing. However, I keep turning my negative and frustrated thoughts to those of thanks to God for how he has worked in my life. Sometimes in ordinary ways - other times in very extraordinary ways. Always turn to prayer in times of need. Often this is how God helps draw us back to him...

This July marks two years since I began praying the rosary daily. If it was not for the perseverance of often having to force myself to have the discipline of praying the rosary, I do not think I would be as strong as I am today. Reflecting and meditating on Christ's life through the rosary is so simple, yet powerful. I can't tell you how many ways I have realized new things about Christ through meditating on the mysteries of the rosary.  While our protestant brothers and sisters often claim the rosary is leading us into idolatry and away from God, I would say just the opposite. God certainly works in mysterious ways, including bringing us to him through his blessed mother.

Here are some articles on the role of Mary if you are searching for more info and have an open heart and mind. http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/tags/mary

I often listen to archived EWTN radio shows of Mother Angelica on satellite radio when on the way to work. Her words are simple yet profound at times. This morning she was talking about how we can read scripture so many times, yet it's that random umpteenth time we read it and go "WOW". Yes indeed.  God works on us indeed. If you don't know Mother Angelica's story, have a look at EWTN.com or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Angelica  for a brief bio. She's definitely dedicated in her faith.

"Lord, continue to always reveal yourself to us".

Deo Gratias.

The Spiritual Desert... and Bloggers Block!

I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth just yet. I've been telling many that I've been called to the spiritual desert the past few years since my return to the church. However, I really feel that this year's Lenten season was one that pulled me deeper than ever before and I truly didn't expect it. In fact, it surprised me so much that I felt the need to back off of blogging for some time and to focus on the areas that God was calling me to, which included concentrating on Lectoring, Catechism and other ministries that I am currently involved with. Not to mention the fact that I had felt "Bloggers Block", which is mightily similar to "Writer's Block". Hah!

With that said, I have some good reflections coming from the past few months, as soon as time allows for them to be conveyed to my keyboard.

Deo Gratias!

Ok, Lord... that's enough, lay off, will ya?

We all probably have said to ourselves at times "Lord, I've got enough on my plate. Can't you lay off the temperature a bit?".  It's like saying we are carrying too heavy of a cross. The simple fact is that no cross is as big as the one Jesus carried.

Lent calls us to the desert, if we truly let the Lord to lead us where he wants us to go. I've been struggling with this a lot lately. In my journey over the past several years, God keeps calling me to a higher level and with each step of this spiritual ladder, life certainly is not easy. I've seemingly found myself waking up to realize how involved I have become in various ministries, events, and catechism classes at our local parish. While I appreciate it, I catch myself complaining about it at the same time.  The catechism students were brutal today, I don't have enough time for me, what good am I doing?, etc... What I do find is that God has a meaning for this and teaches profound lessons that we may not understand at that moment. Sometimes we realize it quickly, other times it takes awhile.

However, as God reveals truth to us, we are called to share that with others. Today's Mass readings for the 4th Sunday of Lent lay out truth with no apology. I found the second reading (Eph 5:8-14) the most powerful. I actually found it affecting me as I read it aloud into the microphone while lectoring today. After Mass, a good friend said I looked a bit "stiff" while reading today. Undoubtedly so.

"Brothers and sisters:
You were once darkness,
but now you are light in the Lord.
Live as children of light,
for light produces every kind of goodness
and righteousness and truth.
Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness;
rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention
the things done by them in secret;
but everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
for everything that becomes visible is light.
Therefore, it says:
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will give you light."

This reading shows that the Lord will lead us from darkness and awaken ourselves. But, this process is not easy, nor does it happen overnight. We have to always be reminded to live as Christ wills us to.

Tonight, a friend randomly texted me the following, which really struck me. In fact, I needed that message at the exact moment in time. God uses others to deliver messages in many respects. Tonight's was delivered by a simple buzz from my phone. 

"we are pressed on every side, yet not straitened; perplexed, yet not unto despair; pursued, yet not forsaken; smitten down, yet not destroyed;" 1 Cor 4:8-9

So, Instead of finding myself complaining about troubles in life, I find that I need to turn it to thanks; Yes, thanks to the Lord for all that he has given me, and in his infinite wisdom he knows why we need to undergo trials and suffering to reveal his message.

Deo Gratias!

Taking out the trash

 
While I certainly take out the physical trash at home each week, my goal is to take out the spiritual trash at least once a week (or as often as necessary) through the sacrament of confession. I feel so blessed to have a local parish that offers confession daily before each Mass (there are 27+ Masses a week!). Thus, there is never an excuse not to take advantage of the sacrament.

Since my return to the church in 2007, I find myself reflecting where I  am currently in my spiritual life as compared to the previous year. With this, I have also gained a deeper appreciation for Lent. As we are called to repent in this time period, I continue to look at areas that I need to work on. This means frequenting the confessional with a deeper sense of renewal in my life.  Each rung of the spiritual ladder that I climb works away at those vices and sins. As I continue on my path of sanctification, God seemingly calls me to a higher standard in so many respects. This means understanding sin better and making more sincere and well thought out confessions.

I often find myself scribbling notes for confession on a piece of paper before going into the confessional, or I tend to forget things. Today, I used a bookmark (a receipt) in a Lenten book that I am reading for those notes. When I got back to my vehicle after confession, I tore up the receipt. The sound of tearing paper seemed to resonate loudly. With the pieces then set on top of the book, the imagery of what I just did struck me in a powerful way that I didn't expect. At that moment, I realized how my sins were forgiven in God's eyes. Just like the destroying of the receipt, God forgot my sins at the instant of confession, cleansing my soul. Often times, I tend dwell on the past and the sins that I have committed, feeling like they drag me down. In the tearing of the paper, today was a great reminder that those sins are forgiven and forgotten in God's eyes. Deo Gratias!

Isn't this the unfortunate truth?

The Mass readings this past week have been powerful in many respects, but they all come down to trusting the Lord, which can be difficult at times in this world. I came across the following button at another parish I was visiting for a meeting. One doesn't have to look further than the cycle of sin in the Old Testament that even continues in a rampant fashion today. God kept saying to trust him and his commandments, but it people chose their own paths of destruction. We just don't seem to trust God and choose our desires even when it comes to the Ten Commandments. Society just wants to pick and choose like a cafeteria...

Deo Gratias!

Thanks be to God! Lots of great stuff going on in my spiritual life lately. I can only be thankful for all the graces that I continue to receive. Here are a couple of them.

Last weekend myself, and all the other Lectors in the Parish, were formally installed into the Lector ministry at our Parish during a Saturday Mass. What an honor! We each had a Benedictine cross that was blessed during the installation and then placed around our neck by the Pastor. We'll wear it every time we proclaim the readings at Mass.  This particular cross was chosen by the Pastor, given the fact that our current Pope is Benedict.

"O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."

In other news, my reversion story appeared on "Why I'm Catholic" this past week.  I have had a profound reversion back to practicing my Catholic faith, when I returned to the church in 2007. My first blog post (Three Year Anniversary of Coming Home) is what the story on Why I'm Catholic was based on. Have a visit to their website, as this Lay Apostolate is doing great work to share people's conversions to the faith.

The Lord continues to surprise and bless me in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, some of these blessings come as storms, but when one sees the message and meaning, it is powerful.

Tantum Ergo... Benediction... Adoration... huh?

I'll never forget the first time that I came to Mass one weekday during benediction and exposition. I had no clue what the parishioners and priest were doing, nor what they were saying. I also had no clue how lucky I was. The parish I attend offers perpetual (24/7) adoration of the blessed sacrament and this blessing is one I came to truly appreciate as time went on.

One of the examples that relates to this was given by Jeff Cavins. He mentioned that when he was a protestant, he mentioned something to the effect that if they announced they were having a 24 hour prayer session and said Jesus would be present,  the whole world would come. Many churches advertise the heck out of it, make a big deal of it,etc . I've even seen an advertisement for "Burn 24-7" where Christians do 24 hours of constant praising of the Lord in music,etc. That's great! Amen to praising the Lord and giving thanks.

Yet, adoration and prayer happen around the world 24-7 in the Catholic faith and it goes unnoticed by many, including Catholics themselves. It is essentially unadvertised, and not boasted. It just happens. Faithful spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, praying for the world and those in need, some who don't even know that they are being prayed for! I am so fortunate to have a local parish with 24-7 adoration. What a blessing!

Lest we also forget that somewhere in the world, there is a Catholic Mass being held this very instant! 

Some good commentary: http://blog.adw.org/tag/tantum-ergo/

  

Tantum ergo Sacramentum
Veneremur cernui:
Et antiquum documentum
Novo cedat ritui:
Praestet fides supplementum
Sensuum defectui.

Genitori, Genitoque
Laus et jubilatio,
Salus, honor, virtus quoque
Sit et benedictio:
Procedenti ab utroque
Compar sit laudatio.
Amen.