Four Years of Focusing on Christ. So Much to Reflect and Rejoice About.

Each of our lives is a journey. In the end, we hope to hear the words: "Well done, good and faithful servant".

My personal journey has continued each day with a deepening of my faith. Some days are difficult, others are relatively smooth. I often wonder where God is in my life, other times I knowingly stare him in the face. The past few months have been devoid of any posts from me, as I have felt God calling me to a deeper reflection with him, while balancing work, teaching Catechism and other commitments. I've witnessed tragedy on an immense scale and seen God provide consolation and reassurance that he is there with me through extraordinary ways. Thus, he has allowed me to again take a revealing journey with him and find focus in my life.

When I actually take the time to stop and reflect, I am continually amazed at the blessings in my life. We are often too wound up in the world to actually stop and relax. Sitting down this Advent season, I have reflected on the fact that it is a year ago that I started this blog and four years since I returned to the church. This blog began with the intent of sharing my story. Since sharing it, I have heard from those who have fallen away from the sacraments and since returned, shared many of my encounters with Christ, and had my story featured on Why I'm Catholic. I have been asked again this year to do some of the readings and scripture reflections at Midnight Mass, to which I am humbled and grateful for. It is an honor to serve Christ's church in any manner, no matter how big or small. We are all called to serve the church with our actions, words, time, and talent. I am also reminded that it is difficult to keep our eyes continually focused on Christ.

This Christmas, we must remember that God came to us in a small, humble manner, in the form of a child. It also requires us to humble ourselves. Our pride often trumps God's messages while we blaze our own paths through this life. This past week, I was able to connect things in my life to the messages that God wanted me to hear.

The words I distinctively recall from a priest at a recent talk were "We see God the way we see our father". "Sure. I see that. Doesn't really apply to me", I thought. I know that we are formed by our earthly father, or some father figure in our lives. It could be in a positive manner, or a negative manner of various sorts. I've seen others affected by it. That's what I seemingly told myself...

It wasn't until the next day that it connected to me in a powerful way while I was driving to work. It was one of those 'epiphany' moments where it all became so clear and time stood still. I realized that I was approaching our heavenly father feeling unworthy, not good enough. I saw an image of myself in the confessional beating myself up and saying I was not worthy of God's love. I hadn't reached perfection. This was a revelation that I needed. I didn't see how I was treating myself and approaching God. It is true that the Catholic faith can come across as overly harsh and difficult. We may not hear "God Loves Us" directly. However, the fact is that God Loves Us. He created a church with the sacraments and it will set us free over time. It takes a peeling away of areas of our lives to reveal the true self and the treasure that lies within. The same wise priest that reminded me how to look at God also reminded me that we must carry the Cross with Christ. Christ did come as a cute infant we may all want to pick up and hold. He did die for us on the Cross, yet we still have to do our part, saying 'Yes' to him.

May we all seek to see the face of Christ in our lives, no matter how difficult it is.

I will end this post with a thanksgiving to God for the continuing work in my life and a video from one of my favorite Lay Apostolates, Catholics Come Home.

Deo Gratias.

Taking out the trash

 
While I certainly take out the physical trash at home each week, my goal is to take out the spiritual trash at least once a week (or as often as necessary) through the sacrament of confession. I feel so blessed to have a local parish that offers confession daily before each Mass (there are 27+ Masses a week!). Thus, there is never an excuse not to take advantage of the sacrament.

Since my return to the church in 2007, I find myself reflecting where I  am currently in my spiritual life as compared to the previous year. With this, I have also gained a deeper appreciation for Lent. As we are called to repent in this time period, I continue to look at areas that I need to work on. This means frequenting the confessional with a deeper sense of renewal in my life.  Each rung of the spiritual ladder that I climb works away at those vices and sins. As I continue on my path of sanctification, God seemingly calls me to a higher standard in so many respects. This means understanding sin better and making more sincere and well thought out confessions.

I often find myself scribbling notes for confession on a piece of paper before going into the confessional, or I tend to forget things. Today, I used a bookmark (a receipt) in a Lenten book that I am reading for those notes. When I got back to my vehicle after confession, I tore up the receipt. The sound of tearing paper seemed to resonate loudly. With the pieces then set on top of the book, the imagery of what I just did struck me in a powerful way that I didn't expect. At that moment, I realized how my sins were forgiven in God's eyes. Just like the destroying of the receipt, God forgot my sins at the instant of confession, cleansing my soul. Often times, I tend dwell on the past and the sins that I have committed, feeling like they drag me down. In the tearing of the paper, today was a great reminder that those sins are forgiven and forgotten in God's eyes. Deo Gratias!

Three Year Anniversary of Coming Home

"In just the same way, I tell you, there will be rejoicing among the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (Luke15:10)

December 24, 2007 is a date I won't forget. This upcoming Christmas Eve marks three years since I made the official decision to return to the Catholic Church after some 15+ years away. It was my conscious effort to follow Christ and his Church - my "Yes, Lord".  Beginning with several notable occurrences in the prior year, I made the decision to attend Midnight Mass by myself at the local Mission. I chose this place for several reasons. It was close,  I had been there for a wedding in 2006 and lastly, I was baptized there as an infant, so it is a special place to me. Why not a rebirth there? I had not been to a Catholic Church (outside of funerals or weddings) on my own accord since my confirmation in 1992. In fact, I more or less feared setting foot in a church as it wasn't something I was comfortable doing. Add to that comments from many and society's labels and it is almost taboo. When I would drive by a Catholic Church, my conscience always nagged at me, but I would tend to find some excuse. I had always known that I would return one day, however my answer was "later", "sometime", or "not yet". That time was now.

You see, my return to the faith was because I asked for it. While I fell away from practicing the sacraments after Confirmation, through the grace of God I prayed every day since my catechism as a youth. The Lord was always subtly knocking at the door (Rev 3:20), but it wasn't until I asked in prayer that he revealed himself in powerful ways. Much of my return is due to private revelations and powerful experiences that I cannot explain with any reason other than faith. Essentially, I asked the Lord to show me he was real through the help of other individuals as instruments, and in return I would glorify him in everything that I do. Supply those instruments and events he did!  Then it was my turn to do my part, as I had promised.

Part of my return to the church was through exposing me to 'Christians' who attended protestant churches (anything other than those in communion with Rome). Others brought me to Non-Denominational churches several times, which are truly what showed me what the Catholic faith has. While many of these churches promoted some truth in their teachings, I felt an emptiness the several times I went. Alas, the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist they lack. Without experiencing events at these churches, I would not have researched the Catholic faith as much as I did and came home so powerfully. In fact, it lit a fire underneath me, because it became apparent that the majority of Catholics don't know their faith, nor can they defend it. I sought out to know, live and defend the faith. I wasn't going to be lumped in with the Catholics who said "I don't know, Fr Whatever told me". We're all called to be informed about our faith.

My experience at Mass that Christmas eve is familiar with many others out there. I sat in the pews (actually chairs, will touch on that in a later blog post!), stood, kneeled and went along with everything that the rest of the laity did. But, I knew I could not receive the Eucharist. I needed confession first. I had made the first step that evening, saying "Yes" to God, but I still had to fully examine my conscience. At quick glance, finding a place to confess on Christmas eve was not that easy, nor was it likely a prudent idea. I had been looking at different parishes. Some offered confession at limited times during the week, others only on Saturdays or by appointment. One parish offered it before EVERY Mass. Yes, EVERY Mass. That seemed odd in comparison to the others in the valley, however that parish is where I had completed my sacraments.

A week after Christmas, something happened at work that triggered me to call that local parish and inquire about confession times before heading over. I was literally shaking when I made the call and an elderly lady picked up the phone, welcoming me to the parish.

"Hi, do you offer confession today as it says on the website?"

In a scratchy voice "You mean the Sacrament of Penance, why Yes. A bit before Mass starts, a priest will be there".

"Yes, Penance. Ok, Thank you very much".

That was it. I got in my car, drove over to the parish and parked. After sitting in the car for a minute, I took a deep breath and went in, finding the line for the confessionals. It was like a time capsule. The parish had not changed much in 15 years. It was as I remembered it. In fact, it was 10 minutes before Mass started and I was worried I would not get in the confessional. I took "before Mass" literally thinking the priest would leave before Mass started. This "literal" lesson would later play into many experiences of understanding the bible. Luckily, the priest would offer confession until the consecration, so I had plenty of time.

The Lord did guide me that day. The priest that I got for confession was perfect for my situation.  I mentioned it had been 15 years since my last confession and that I wanted to again receive the Eucharist, he mentioned excitedly, "God Bless you! Wonderful, I will remember you in all my Masses. God Bless you". After naming my sins and receiving some counsel, I heard those wonderful words "I absolve you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen. Go in Peace. God Bless you, I will keep you in prayer". At that moment, I know the Angels were rejoicing as Luke 15:10 says.

I received the Eucharist for the first time in some 15+ years that day. It was an amazing moment to kneel at the altar rail and receive the Eucharist.

Needless to say, I walked out of Mass that day with a new look on life and felt like the cloudy stain over my eyes was washed away. Sort of like cleaning a really foggy pair of glasses, or even the windshield on your car. This day started a wonderful journey.  However, little did I know what lie ahead. It was just the beginning of the Lord placing people and events in my life, not to mention the cleansing process of 15 years of worldly influences.

As I reflect on where I have come from, I am reminded where the Lord has taken me in three years. I am scheduled to be the lector at Midnight Mass and a Christmas day Mass this year. Three years ago, I was a lapsed Catholic, returning to Holy Mother Church. Today, I attend Mass close to daily, I am helping teach Catechism at two parishes, give talks to youth at retreats, and are a lector at one of the largest churches in the area. I told the Lord I would glorify him, and indeed he has provided the opportunities for me to say "Yes" to. To be given the honor of teaching Catechism and proclaiming readings at Mass is nothing short of an honor.

I recently found some pictures of my Confirmation in 1992 and then took a current photo in front of the same Mary statue after Mass. My, how much I've grown both physically and spiritually.

Then and Now

It is my hope with this blog to share with readers many of my experiences and resources that I have come across the past three years and share more of my story (there are MANY stories).  Some of you are out there in the same position as I was. Where do I start? How do I meet fellow Catholics and live my faith? What does being "Catholic" mean? Am I crazy with all these beliefs in today's world? What do I look for in a Catholic church? Etc,etc,etc...  But, as Jesus told the disciples when he walked on water "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."(Matt 14:27) 

If  you are thinking about returning to the church, take that step and go to talk to a priest, visit a Mass and reflect. Most of all, Pray. They have heard it all, and would gladly welcome you home. In fact, take a visit to catholicscomehome.org as this site has a tremendous amount of resources. One of the other great resources that popped up during my return to the church was local Catholic radio. Immaculate Heart Radio (ihradio.org) launched the month I returned to the church. I remember all the billboards that appeared and constantly reminded me to turn on the radio. Thanks to those behind these great ministries!