God seems to reveal things in seemingly odd, yet simple ways. I guess it's human nature that we're often stubborn, convincing ourselves that we're just fine - "Nah, no problem here. Got that subject covered". Yet, this is part of the daily spiritual battle, in that the enemy tricks us into thinking we're ok. However, the Lord always finds a way to show us otherwise. He humbled me with a basketball. Yes, a basketball.
Recently, I was off shooting hoops one afternoon after committing a deadly sin (gluttony) at a company meal when God threw a bit of humor in with a dose of reality. While I was by myself on the court, I threw a few beautiful shots - NOTHING BUT AIR. Yep. Missed the hoop by a mile. I thought to myself "Hope no one saw that", and then turned around to see if anyone was watching. That was when the Lord immersed me in my own sensual pride and gave me a dose of humility. I stood there staring at the ground, shaking my head in disbelief, while the sound of the ball bouncing off the tarmac was pounding into my head with each diminishing bounce. Thud, thud, thud...
The fact is that I was fighting pride... <gulp>. Yes, Pride.
It felt like that scene from "A Christmas Story" where everyone was staring at and laughing at Ralphie.
This realization comes to show that there are many forms of the seven deadly sins. I typically run through my examination of conscience time justifying why the stereotypical deadly sins don't apply to me. Yet the fact is that forms of these sins are there, and we hide it from ourselves. If we mask it, then a serious fall is likely ahead.
The funny thing is that after I stopped worrying about what others may be thinking, or how the world would end if everyone knew that I shot a few air balls, I became more confident. As I started shooting again, each toss wasn't with some hesitation or worry. I made more baskets with a new found confidence. This has since translated into all other areas of my life, both spiritual, work related and beyond.
I thank the Lord for this odd dose of humility and hope that he continues to show me where I need work each day. I just pray that I don't get caught shooting another air ball while someone is watching =).
Each of our lives is a journey. In the end, we hope to hear the words: "Well done, good and faithful servant".
My personal journey has continued each day with a deepening of my faith. Some days are difficult, others are relatively smooth. I often wonder where God is in my life, other times I knowingly stare him in the face. The past few months have been devoid of any posts from me, as I have felt God calling me to a deeper reflection with him, while balancing work, teaching Catechism and other commitments. I've witnessed tragedy on an immense scale and seen God provide consolation and reassurance that he is there with me through extraordinary ways. Thus, he has allowed me to again take a revealing journey with him and find focus in my life.
When I actually take the time to stop and reflect, I am continually amazed at the blessings in my life. We are often too wound up in the world to actually stop and relax. Sitting down this Advent season, I have reflected on the fact that it is a year ago that I started this blog and four years since I returned to the church. This blog began with the intent of sharing my story. Since sharing it, I have heard from those who have fallen away from the sacraments and since returned, shared many of my encounters with Christ, and had my story featured on Why I'm Catholic. I have been asked again this year to do some of the readings and scripture reflections at Midnight Mass, to which I am humbled and grateful for. It is an honor to serve Christ's church in any manner, no matter how big or small. We are all called to serve the church with our actions, words, time, and talent. I am also reminded that it is difficult to keep our eyes continually focused on Christ.
This Christmas, we must remember that God came to us in a small, humble manner, in the form of a child. It also requires us to humble ourselves. Our pride often trumps God's messages while we blaze our own paths through this life. This past week, I was able to connect things in my life to the messages that God wanted me to hear.
The words I distinctively recall from a priest at a recent talk were "We see God the way we see our father". "Sure. I see that. Doesn't really apply to me", I thought. I know that we are formed by our earthly father, or some father figure in our lives. It could be in a positive manner, or a negative manner of various sorts. I've seen others affected by it. That's what I seemingly told myself...
It wasn't until the next day that it connected to me in a powerful way while I was driving to work. It was one of those 'epiphany' moments where it all became so clear and time stood still. I realized that I was approaching our heavenly father feeling unworthy, not good enough. I saw an image of myself in the confessional beating myself up and saying I was not worthy of God's love. I hadn't reached perfection. This was a revelation that I needed. I didn't see how I was treating myself and approaching God. It is true that the Catholic faith can come across as overly harsh and difficult. We may not hear "God Loves Us" directly. However, the fact is that God Loves Us. He created a church with the sacraments and it will set us free over time. It takes a peeling away of areas of our lives to reveal the true self and the treasure that lies within. The same wise priest that reminded me how to look at God also reminded me that we must carry the Cross with Christ. Christ did come as a cute infant we may all want to pick up and hold. He did die for us on the Cross, yet we still have to do our part, saying 'Yes' to him.
May we all seek to see the face of Christ in our lives, no matter how difficult it is.
I will end this post with a thanksgiving to God for the continuing work in my life and a video from one of my favorite Lay Apostolates, Catholics Come Home.
I've spent the past few months reflecting on my spiritual life, beginning in Lent. As I mentioned before, this year's Lenten season drove me deeper than ever before in many respects. One of the major issues that I have been dealing with is related to discernment of certain experiences that I've had in life. Ignatius's Discernment of Spirits is the go-to book in many respects when one starts to look at how spiritual events affect your life and it requires a thorough understanding of the rules of discernment and a good spiritual director. My return to the faith is driven by numerous notable events that I cannot explain with anything other than faith in God. The issue is that I don't quite understand the meaning of all of them. Thoughts range from the enemy (Devil) being involved to them being straight from God. What I do know is two things:
1. I would not be back on fire practicing the faith if it was not through the Grace of God.
2. Practicing and keeping the faith is NOT EASY. It takes a humble and contrite spirit along with a daily picking up of one's cross.
What I have been fighting internally is not having peace on issues and actions that I have happened in my life. I tend to alternate between frustration, desolation and consolation. Part of the problem is that we tend to want answers "NOW", when we don't realize that they are on God's timing. However, I keep turning my negative and frustrated thoughts to those of thanks to God for how he has worked in my life. Sometimes in ordinary ways - other times in very extraordinary ways. Always turn to prayer in times of need. Often this is how God helps draw us back to him...
This July marks two years since I began praying the rosary daily. If it was not for the perseverance of often having to force myself to have the discipline of praying the rosary, I do not think I would be as strong as I am today. Reflecting and meditating on Christ's life through the rosary is so simple, yet powerful. I can't tell you how many ways I have realized new things about Christ through meditating on the mysteries of the rosary. While our protestant brothers and sisters often claim the rosary is leading us into idolatry and away from God, I would say just the opposite. God certainly works in mysterious ways, including bringing us to him through his blessed mother.
I often listen to archived EWTN radio shows of Mother Angelica on satellite radio when on the way to work. Her words are simple yet profound at times. This morning she was talking about how we can read scripture so many times, yet it's that random umpteenth time we read it and go "WOW". Yes indeed. God works on us indeed. If you don't know Mother Angelica's story, have a look at EWTN.com or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Angelica for a brief bio. She's definitely dedicated in her faith.
